Just A Couple Of Things...

Hello people. I have a couple of things to share with you today.

First up - let's get back to that which I was discussing in a previous post. The rudeness of people these days, with particular focus on the usage of manners online. Or rather, the lack of them as the case may be. I had the misfortune yesterday of encountering a most rude person whilst trying to sell some perfumes on eBay. I had a very short message that read as follows, "hi, will you do this buy it now i will pay straight away" (bad grammar copied from text). I thought, hmmm, bit abrupt with no 'please', but I messaged them back anyway to ask if they were still interested as I hadn't checked the page for a couple of days. This is what I got back, "hi, yes i'm waiting will you do it now"! Needless to say, I was slightly taken aback at their brazen lack of politeness. However, keen to make a sale, I persevered. This person (not sure from the username if it was male or female) became increasingly more impolite. They wanted me to change my postage cost, saying it was wrong (how could they know this?!) and they would only pay £8 plus postage at their rate, not mine. The final straw came when they sent me this, "hi, yes go ahead i'm waiting as i have to go". Oh so sorry your majesty! Bloody cheek. I thought, no bloody way am I trading with anyone that rude. I sent a reply to that effect, suggesting that they revise the way they speak to people online and requesting that they refrain from contacting me again. So far, no reply... :-) You shouldn't have to put up with that sort of crap. And how it is that people think that because it's online politeness goes out the window and you can place demands on others, I will never understand. I get the last laugh anyway - while we were 'conversing', someone else placed a bid on the item! Hahahaha! Can't change a listing once a bid has been placed :-) I'd rather sell for less to a more polite person, which really, the majority of people who trade on eBay are. You just seem to get the odd one who tries to spoil things. And somehow, this one got right under my skin, it niggled at me all day. Very annoying.

The other is my new love. Pinterest. For the uninitiated, Pinterest is an online pinboard site, kind of like a scrapbook, where you can make 'boards' of things that interest you. It's horribly addictive. I have 32 boards, ranging from fashion to travel and cats to photography with plans for more! People can also 'follow' your boards and you can follow them, so I suppose it's a social network of sorts too, as you can comment on pins. It's ridiculously fun, a way of expressing yourself in the things you choose to pin and it shows others what you're like far more than Facebook ever could. Ok, you can 'like' things on Facebook, but Pinterest offers the chance to collect similar 'likes' all in one place and arrange them so others can view and appreciate your choices, and by extension, see into you as a person. We show others what we are like in the way we dress and how we speak and conduct ourselves, but our likes and dislikes can be hidden from view. With Pinterest there is no hiding :-) Although, of course, you still get to choose what you want to show people... I have noticed that people are very open. I suppose it's the safety net of it being online, that folk don't seem to mind sharing their innermost thoughts, as most people looking at it don't know you personally. I guess it's a bit like blogging...! I don't think the BF understands the appeal of Pinterest. He seems quite bemused when I get all excited over a pin :-) I guess I just enjoy things that involve me sharing my ideas with the world. Blogging and Pinterest allow me to do that. I'm gaining a little band of Pinterest followers, but there are people with literally thousands following them. I pin at pinterest.com/stargirl82 if you'd like a check out my boards. Little self-plugging there :-)

Until next time, dear readers...

Is It Just Me...?

Decided I didn't like the background colour after all. It looked funny when I published the post. Instead I am experimenting now with coloured text. Ooh! How fun.

I was in a right grotty mood today. People are so rude! And not rude in a getting-up-in-your-face-obvious-sort-of way, just small things. I think that makes it worse. Manners cost nothing, you know. For some reason people seem to think it's ok to walk into a shop and ignore the person behind the counter when they say 'hello' to you. The polite response is not to stare blankly at them as if they just addressed you in some obscure foreign language. It is also not correct to reply, 'Chelsea bun', or 'white loaf', (without a 'please' attached). It would be nice if people could remember to say hello when someone else says it. I get so tired of dealing with the basic impoliteness. Were they brought up in a barn by farmyard animals? Their lack of manners would suggest so. Argh. Rant over.

I was having quite a nice week before all this. Monday was spent at the new Harry Potter Studio Tour at Leavesden with my mum and sister. It was epic. Simply could not quite believe I was walking in the Great Hall and along Diagon Alley! (Non-Potter fans will not understand the sheer joy to be derived from just walking on these surfaces. It's fabulous). I will not spoil it too much for anyone planning a trip, all I will say is - it's amazing, with plenty to keep you entertained. Oh and you can buy a Butterbeer in the backlot between studios :-) So much fun.

Yesterday I cleaned my bedroom. Not very exciting you might think - and you'd be right, downright bloody boring actually - but I managed to make the time fly by, playing my 'Hairspray' soundtrack extremely loudly. With the windows open. I caught a glimpse of someone walking past the house, looking up at the window, clearly wondering what that wonderful music was...! Haha. I am unhealthily obsessed with Hairspray. I let my mum borrow my dvd today, and I feel slightly panicked at the thought of not being able to watch it for a couple of days. I love it. Although I may have found a new obsession yesterday (once again at the hands of director Adam Shankman) in form of the movie Rock of Ages. OMG. It actually, really rocks. Never seen the stage show, but the film is epic. The songs fit seemlessly into the story, Tom Cruise steals it as rocker Stacee Jaxx (his rendition of Bon Jovi's 'Dead Or Alive' has been stuck in my head all bloody day) and Russell Brand is his usual humorous self. The young leads are amazing too, giving it their all :-) Need the soundtrack, right now. Oh, Julianne Hough (as Sherrie) does a great version of Extreme's 'More Than Words', one of my all time favourite songs. I had to look out my old Rock Ballads CD earlier today. It was my dad's, but I used to pinch it so often as a teenager, that he let me keep it! It's full of mostly 80s rock classics, and it's where I first heard Guns'n'Roses, Scorpions and INXS. I was already instilled with a love for rock music, thanks to my dad's obsession with Queen. You weren't allowed to not like Queen in our house. Fortunately I love Queen :-) Anyway, I think a grounding in Mercury, May, Deacon and Taylor afforded me the ability to love a wide variety of music, as they made use of so many different styles. It's the first music I remember hearing as a kid. It's nice to still love those tunes.

Made some summer plans this week too. Me, the BF, the GBF and GBFH are going to Cardiff for three nights in July. After I finish work on the Saturday, we're heading off there to party for the night, then hang out for a couple of days. Should be fun :-)

Argh! Decision Making!

Oooh, a background colour! I was fiddling around with the settings and thought I'd give it a go. Might not like it later...

So I've been thinking about these careers meetings I've been going to. I know to begin with I was really excited about them. But now I'm wondering if I went about it a bit, well, wrong. I keep thinking I should do all the things on the action plan. But I just don't think it's right for me. I'm supposed to have the third meeting tomorrow. I might rearrange it. Again. I feel like I need more time to decide. I should probably be doing that instead of writing this. However, writing this might help me come to a decision so... I'm wondering if I should just go to the meeting tomorrow and tell the advisor that, great as her advice was, I think I'm going to go in another direction. Problem is, I still need to find a better job. The one I'm in is killing my brain, it's so boring. It's so tedious. There are aspects of the work I actually don't mind (and secretly quite like), such as organising the displays and making the place look decent. The whole place needs some serious jazzing up though. I think the owner thinks it's some sort of 'shabby chic' when actually it's just shabby. 

I often find my mind wandering, and think about what I'd do if it were my business. I'd scrap the mismatched tablemats for a start. I'd get nice vintage print ones, or use cute tablecloths. The crappy menus would go too. They're currently in these seriously old-fashioned leather holders. (In fact there aren't enough of those to go round, so some tables have a really dull looking laminated menu. Nice.) I'd change the choices on the menu too, it's all this or that with bloody chips. And things like salad with a jacket potato is extra! So that would get a major re-vamp. It needs modernising in a big way. I just don't think people like seeing that they have to pay extra to get beans with their sausage, egg and chips! Especially when chains like Wetherspoons are such good value for money. I don't think the boss-lady wants to acknowledge that she is in competition with those places, whether she likes it or not. I get so frustrated when all I hear from her all day is, "oh this is dreadful/awful/terrible", because we have no customers. DO SOME ADVERTISING! OFFER SOMETHING NEW! Arghhhhh! Some people are so entirely resistant to change though. And blinded by their view of 'how things used to be' that they can't see why they should change. I've made countless suggestions, but I can't make her do anything. If she wants to run the place into the ground, she's going the right way about it. Rant over. 

I'm thinking of volunteering somewhere. Reasons for this: it will probably look good on the old cv. It will give me something to do that does not involve serving tea. It might lead to a job. Or a foot in the door. Whatever. And it's good to give back isn't it? Just don't think about the fact you don't get paid for your time... 

 Grrr, what am going to do about this meeting? So tempted to change it.

Side note - I'm going to the Harry Potter Experience next Monday! Am stupidly excited. Can't wait to walk through the Great Hall - it's the real one you know! Just hope the movie magic isn't spoiled by seeing the sets. It looks really good anyway. I know at my age I shouldn't be all excited about Harry Potter, but I don't care. It's fun to indulge in these things sometimes and enjoy non-grown-up things :-)

Oh, another random thought. I love it when that happens. The BF is going to visit friends in Leeds next month and when he mentioned it to the people he works with, some of them apparently gave him shocked expressions that he was going without me. Some even went as far as to ask him what I think about him going! How weird. My guess is that they are very insecure, distrusting people. I have no problem whatsoever with him going to Leeds. I have no reason not to trust him. Why do people always think the worst of others? For one thing it's insulting to the BF, as they are assuming he's going to cheat, and for another, they're assuming that I don't trust him, and think he will cheat! Oh and he's staying with his ex-wife. She offered to put him up to save on a B+B. I hear that one guy at BF's work practically choked when he heard that! 

I had a tidy-up yesterday. I always feel calmer when I'm in an ordered environment. There's likely to be some psychological explanation for that. I just like things in their places, and when there's stuff everywhere I become a little insane. So yesterday I not only cleared up the crap, I moved the furniture around. Well some of it. There's not much I can do in my teeny-tiny living space. However, I created floor space, which I'm extremely pleased about. The fact that I shoved a lot of stuff into my very pretty Laura Ashley storage boxes can be ignored. At least it isn't visible any more. I wish I had room for a little desk in here. I'm getting such bad posture writing like this. *This* being sitting on the bed sort of twisted sideways. Sounds like I'm a contortionist, but it's simpler than that. Not very comfy though. When you have two people trying to cram themselves and all their stuff into a small room, things could get ugly. Fortunately we are managing, but stuff does tend to accumulate, and I'm filling the loft space up pretty fast with things that just don't go anywhere at the moment. Not sure my nan realises how much stuff I actually have up there!  

For all my tidying up yesterday, I am very disorganised thought-wise today. I need some sort of mental-tidy. This post is going to read like a walk through my mind. Right - decision time. I will postpone my appointment. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. Yes...?

Ex-Men

This post is brought to you by new my new laptop. Yes, dear reader, I had to get a new one. Sadly my poor old Toshi netbook bit the dust. The day after my last post actually. It was as if it knew what I had written and was determined to prevent me from following through with my new plan to write every day. Damn technology...! So here I sit with my shiny new ruby red Toshi, while the BF watches Spain vs Italy, which I find odd. Why watch a match between two teams you don't support? Some strange form of man-ness that I will probably never get my head around. Speaking of strange forms of man-ness, I had a weird encounter yesterday with an ex of mine. I consider myself fairly fortunate that I never come across any of my exes, for various reasons. Mostly, they don't live around here, which is good. And I don't have them on Facebook. Anyway, he came into my place of enslavement and proceeded to chat to me as if we're some kind of talking buddies. I broke up with him four years ago. It was a mutual thing, and we even stayed in contact for a while. I hadn't seen him in two years, when I went to his work, (new BF in tow), to return his Star Trek dvds. We had an awkward five minute conversation during which my BF flexed his muscles and looked imposingly at my ex. It was hilarious. (The ex is considerably skinnier than the BF, who has the most enormous guns. And earrings. And tattoos. I think the ex thought I was dating a Hell's Angel or something!) I digress... In fact during this brief meeting yesterday, I was forced to re-assess my entire relationship with the ex. For one thing, I didn't see him when he came in so he spoke to one of the girls and I heard him say, "I'd like my usual person to serve me please". I recognised the voice and thought 'usual person'?! What the f*** does that mean?! We haven't been anything in four years, let alone 'usual'! Then I checked myself and remembered that is exactly typical of the sort of social blunder he would make. Then he rambled on about where he's living now and something about a parrot he's looking after. I hate parrots. They freak me out, I don't like the way they stare at you. It's creepy, like they're working out how best to kill you. My GBF's grandad had a pet parrot and I think this is where my dislike of parrots began. It was a particularly scary bird with steely grey eyes. *shudder* Ok, back to the subject. After the parrot talk, he said "see you around" and left. I was quite relieved. It can be so tiresome to have to make small talk with a person you used to date. I was speaking to someone about it later in the day and he said, but you must have loved him back then? And I honestly don't know if I did. Is that dreadful? I was with him for four years and I'm not sure I ever loved him. I thought then that I did, but now... I don't think so. I could never have lived with him. He had habits that were beyond annoying. When I went over to his place, he spent so much time playing Halo, I sometimes wondered why I was there. He once told me that my 'habit' of making the bed was annoying. When I first went over to his, he had no duvet cover or pillowcases, so maybe I shouldn't have been surprised by that revelation. When we went on holiday, it was always to the same place in the New Forest for the same three days over Easter. Three days was honestly about my limit. I think perhaps I always knew that he wasn't the long term guy. He was younger than me, I was his first real relationship. There's no way it would have lasted, and maybe it's surprising it lasted as long as it did. I bear him no ill-will; we just have nothing to talk about any more. Relationships run their course and become a memory. Sure there were good times, but really, we were nothing serious. The one good thing I take from that experience is the knowledge that it taught me what I didn't want from a man. And that I wanted a man, not a boy pretending to be a man. What I have now is a proper, functioning relationship with someone who shares my ideals in life, that I can live with easily and spend days on end with, without getting annoyed. He doesn't make social faux pas, talks easily with my family, fits in with my friends (they love him), has a brilliant sense of humour and a nice bum. These are things I find important. This is what love is. Also he likes cats :-) The only ex I have contact with is my GBF. We worked hard on that though. It was a long road to friendship, not back, but forwards to a new kind of relationship. We're fortunate that my BF and his new husband are accepting of us and the history we have. That's why they're the good ones :-) No man who hasn't been able to accept us has stuck around, and really, why would we have wanted them to?! We're planning a short break in Cardiff soon - the four of us - and I'm sure it will be a fun time. I think that the ex expected us to have a relationship like I have with GBF. He idolised him in lots of ways. But it could never have happened, and really I never wanted it to. He hung around us for ages after we broke up, tagging along on nights out, when he never wanted to before. It was a forced friendship, always uneasy and often the result of him inviting himself to our nights out. I was rather pleased when we cut all contact. The only ex I want around is my GBF - he isn't competing for my attention with the BF, I could always talk to him about man problems (pre-BF of course!) and we share a love of Sex and the City, Kylie and shoes! Boyfriends (including exes) never understand those things ;-)

Future Thinking... and a Wedding :-)

So it's been a while... I keep thinking about things to write, then it all seems so pointless and I wonder why I'm doing this. Then I remembered today that the reason I'm doing this is to document all those crappy feelings and good times. So I'm back in a more permanent capacity. Planning to write at least three times a week from now on because today I also made some more decisions about the future. I have decided I don't want to compromise on my life. I'm going to concentrate my efforts on writing my novel, making it better, getting an agent and hopefully getting published. The careers advisor stuff has made me realise that I don't want to settle for a job I'm not completely committed to. Or interested in. I've been postponing my final meeting because, in all honesty, I haven't been sticking to the action plan. I know, very bad, they are trying to help. But I wasn't entirely honest with them. I told the advisor I wanted a job in publishing or editorial. And while I can say the words, I can't carry it through to any kind of conclusion. I can't even bring myself to look on the websites for which she sent me the links. Is this a terrible thing? Am I fooling myself that I can be a 'real' writer? I spend so much time convincing myself that I'm not good enough when in reality my problem is a fear of failure. But the truth is that I'll never know if I don't try. I'm sure plenty of people say this behind my back because I say it to myself all the time. And if I recognise the problem, but don't address it, surely other people recognise it too? In some ways I wish people would just say 'get on with it, have a go' instead of tiptoing around the issue. Whenever I say I haven't really achieved anything, they say things about my academic achievements. Which are not to be sniffed at, that's true enough. I don't mean the academic stuff though, I mean life stuff. And I find it hard talking to the BF about this because he's older than me and feels the same way. All his friends and siblings are married, lots of them have children and they all have their own places. We are childless, unmarried and live with my grandparents. And we're over thirty. Which is the point of the blog, right? 'Stuff about being 30'. Today I feel like being this age shouldn't hold me back. I've been watching Sex and the City. When I was younger, I enjoyed the show, but now I'm actually in the 30+ age bracket, I identify more with a lot of what it says. Before, when I ticked the 20-29 box, I loved the message of female solidarity and the love stories (of course). Now I understand what it means about being over thirty and being a woman. People see you a certain way; they judge you on what you have achieved by this age. For the Sex and the City girls, it's judgment for not being married and not having children by 35. For me, it's the realisation that I could get to 35 and still be stuck where I am now. I am determined not to let that happen. I'm sick of people coming into my place of work and commenting 'how long have you been here?' Clearly, too long. My next step has to be one that involves changing my duller-than-ditchwater job for something a little more stimulating and focussing on my ideas for the future. Watch this space folks... Now - a new subject. Last Friday, June 1st. My GBF got married. It was a spectacularly fabulous day. His sisters and I had our hair and make-up done, put on dresses he made for the occasion and I walked him down the aisle on a boat. It was just lovely. There was a slight hiccup with my reading for the ceremony when I realised I didn't have the words (they were supposed to be on my chair. They were not). Turned out the best man had them with his reading! So that broke the tension a bit, which was good for me at least. I thought I would be very nervous doing the reading as public speaking isn't one of my favourite things. Turned out fine though, I treated it as a performance, channelling things I learnt in drama class, ooh, years ago! The sun shone, we had Pimms on the lawn next to the river, threw rose petal confetti, had a gorgeous meal, drank wine and danced the night away :-) It was a beautiful wedding. Just thought I'd share that.