I'm sure I'm getting old.
Last night I went for a curry with a friend. Among the many things we chatted about, one of them was 'not being bothered about going out'. The short of it is - we're not. For the most part anyway. I remember I used to live for my Saturday nights out. Now it's difficult to get me to agree to do anything remotely sociable.
Take today. A few weeks ago the BF said his mum was having a barbeque. Then he realised it was the day after his work night out for which he was staying overnight and he would most likely be knackered. I thought we probably wouldn't go and promptly forgot about it. Today he came back around 1.30pm, had a bath and asked me, 'Are you ready to go then?' I was watching Letters to Juliet on Film4 and having a nice quiet, comfy day. So I looked up and said, 'Go where?', honestly confused. He said, 'To my mum's'. Then I remembered the barbeque. I was all ready to just stay in and do nothing. I was not prepared for socialising. I did that yesterday. I work in retail where it's always noisy and filled with people. I need time away from so many people. Not necessarily by myself, just quiet time, where I'm not pressured to talk. Going to a barbeque - anywhere, with anyone - was not something I felt I wanted to do. At a family gathering, you always feel that you have to be 'on', you know? Sociable, chatty, bright. I just want to be QUIET. (Also it's currently hailing outside. They won't be barbequing anything).
I just feel like a party pooper. I mooched about, taking ages to 'get ready'. Then I went to the living room and he said, 'Are you ready now?' and I was like, 'Yeah I suppose so'. Then he knew I didn't feel like going so I explained about my quiet day. He said I should stay here then. I know he wanted me to go and I feel mean. I wonder if he's in a grump about it and I'm sure his mum will ask where I am and why haven't I come too. I do feel bad about it, but also this is my day off. Shouldn't I be able to do what I want to do? I hope that doesn't come across as selfish. I just need more notice for a social engagement (I know, I forgot about it this time. Whatev's). I actually feel like I need to mentally get into a zone for socialising. Day to day, I struggle to maintain a cheery façade for the endless bouts of idiots that meander their way into the store. I need to re-charge. When I know (or remember) I have a social occasion, I can be prepared for it. Having them sprung on me is difficult. I believe this is referred to by psychologists as being introverted. I have known this for many years but I guess different facets of it can occur at different times. Right now, I am in a more 'quiet time' phase. I don't care much for being in loud places with lots of people. I'm valuing one-on-one time with friends as opposed to a group.
Am I a crotchety old lady?! Answers on a postcard please... ;-)
