Enlightenment

Well dear readers. Please disregard my last post in favour of this new one. I like to think it is more informed and enlightened.

New job - not good. The panic, mayhem and confusion from the first week? Maybe not standard, but certainly an indicator that things are not running smoothly. I have tried to be positive but really when it comes down to it, this job is not for me - and I am not for it. I resent all the sitting about, the constant emailing, the stress and pressure of it all. I don't think I was fully aware of what it would entail and nobody thought to inform me. I know you may be thinking - why didn't you ask? Well I would have if I'd have known what to ask. I have no previous office experience and no experience in this line of work at all. And based on this experience, I probably won't be looking for these sorts of jobs in the future.

Maybe a younger, fresher, not-32-year-old me would have enjoyed this job. Although she didn't like change much either. Saying that, she found the courage to leave a marriage that wasn't working. She went off to university. She moved in the BF and bought a cat. All big changes. But we'll never know, because I spent most of my twenties studying. And for what, people may ask? Yes, I've mostly worked in retail, but I recently realised that when I was studying, I wasn't focused on where I would end up after. I concentrated on the love of learning. Maybe if I'd put some effort into what 'might happen after uni', I wouldn't be in this situation right now... maybe, maybe. What's important is not to focus on the maybes. I spent a lot of time working in retail - so what? I don't want a high-pressure job. It doesn't excite me, it stresses me out and not in a good way. You know how sometimes stress is good? This is not good. This is the kind of stress that gives you headaches and makes you feel anxious about the whole day ahead. I can't carry on like that. No-one should.

I'm formulating a plan. Sort of. I can't say much about it. Ooh I feel like a spy or something.

I'm also considering going back to university. I've always thought I would (pretty much since leaving five years ago), and I'm wondering about doing a part-time MA. I need to look into it more, but it's definitely something I want to do.

So I leave you on this note dear reader - don't try to be someone you're not. It'll make you unhappy. And it's ok not to be who everyone wants you to be, or thinks you should be. It's ok to make bad decisions - that way you learn what you don't want and can make better decisions to get what you do want.

I'm off to make some better decisions...